Good Grief?
by Chuck Wallace

'Good grief!' Have you ever thought about how stupid that saying is? Is there anything good about grief? Most of us probably don't think so. It is a part of healing process when we lose something or someone we love. It's normal to miss someone who's gone. Maybe they moved away or maybe they died. Depending on how well you knew them your grief could be mild or it could really get you down for a while. Maybe someone we knew and loved recently died. At first we are in shock and disbelief that they are not around anymore. There's a finality to death like nothing else. We can't talk to them anymore. Yet our mind plays tricks on us and we think, "I'm going to go call Cindy", but then after a split second reality hits and we remember they're not here anymore. When that happens we are sad and have to deal with grief.

When we are in the middle of shock we sense things much more intensely. The cool breeze on our face feels incredible and we savor it as we try to escape from the reality of how our emotions feel. The food tastes really, really good. But then we are back to reality and the gross feelings of grief.

We may feel guilty that we didn't call them or tell them we loved them the last time we saw them. There is nothing, really, that we could have done about it. Life seems invincible, but, in reality, it's very fragile and we don't know when someone's day may be their last. Since we don't know the future, we really can't dump on ourselves for not having done something.

People may throw out cliches to us – "Heaven needed them more than we did," "Just give it time and you'll make it." Or people may say dumb things like those brainless interviewers after a big sports event who ask if it hurts to lose the game. They may say things like, "I bet you'll miss her," "How are you feeling, honey?" "If you need anything call." Do they really mean that?

The people that really help say things like, 'I'm just going to hang around and be with you', or 'come on let's go get something to eat'. They don't put pressure on you, they don't try to get you to talk, they are just with you, there if you need them.

A lot of us get angry. Angry at life, angry at people, angry at ourselves. Maybe even angry at God. "How could a loving God let this happen?" we think. "What do You think You are doing?" we say to God.

The death of someone we love brings us the to the very edge of the reality – realizing that there is more than one plane of existence to life. We want to believe that there is a special place those we love go to when they die. Is there?

Recently my mom died. The morning of the funeral I went to the funeral home by myself to see my mom. I was there for about an hour. She looked good, considering she'd had cancer and had lost a lot of weight. I thought about her life and how much I loved her. How much I was going to miss her. I cried, I prayed and grieved. And I did something I've never done before. I touched her hand and face. I've never touched a dead person before and it shocked me. She felt like a wax figure, like they have in museums. And it hit me as if someone had slapped me. She's no longer here. This is just a shell that held her spirit while she lived here on earth. She was a Christian and had a strong faith in God, so she's with Him in heaven.

I still grieve my mom's death. I still miss her. I'll always miss her. But it gives me a lot of peace knowing that she is in heaven with God.

Life is fragile and we need people around us who love us and want to be with us, especially when we are grieving the death of someone we love.

I know from seeing it in my mom and from experiencing it in my own life that having a personal relationship with God gives me someone who is always with me, always there for me to turn to when I need help and comfort. Life isn't fragile to God since He holds life in His hands. If you want to know more about that, look at...

Knowing God